Caught One!

Look who is one whole hand!

Claudia is five - FIVE! What a big number, and what a big girl. She has certainly grown this past year....length-wise and hair-wise! No more bangs for this little miss. She wanted Elsa hair - and by golly - she is getting there...one snarl at a time.

Claudia wanted a small party this year with just her two neighborhood besties and siblings. We had cake, sushi and pizza - and a scavenger hunt. 

A perfect celebration for our treasured daughter. 

My eulogy for my mother

Thank you everyone for coming this afternoon to honor my mother – Kathryn Carlson Heler.

I’ve been touched over the last week at the outpouring of support and love shown to my family by people who had never even met my mother – to long lost second cousins – to students of my mother’s whose lives she has touched.

My mother – known as Nanny by her grandchildren – was many things to many people – daughter, sister, aunt, wife, mother, mother-in-law, friend, to name just a few.

One of her greatest roles was that of teacher…from preschool to grade school to high school and then college – she mentored, encouraged, and taught thousands of students.

But I think that her most recent role – the one she has held for seven years -  gave her the most joy … and that one is being “Nanny.”

She adored her grandchildren, Rhys, Claudia, Dax and Ona, and I know that as she got sicker and sicker, one of the reasons she fought so hard was for them. 

When Rhys was born – one day after my mother’s birthday -  on Dec. 27, 2007, my mother was overjoyed and said: “It’s a boy! It’s a boy.” She couldn’t wait to come to Chicago to hold Rhys and to help me and Dom learn the parenting ropes. She cooked enough turkey meatloaf to last us weeks before she left.

But she wasn’t gone long. Every few months, Nanny would show up to spend time with her boy…taking him to the Lincoln Park Zoo, to Wendy’s (not McDonalds – since your Dad and I had told her no McDonalds), to the playground…to just playing blocks and cars with you in our condo.

Soon, Nanny quickly decked out her own house to make it kid-friendly. From buying car seats and pack-n-plays to even adding a swing set to her backyard in Massachusetts, my mom embraced her new role as Nanny.

I was fortunate to be able to tell my Mom I was pregnant with Claudia in person. She was in Chicago on one of her many trips to see Rhys. We were getting our photos taken together when I broke the news.  She cried – happy tears.

If anything, her joy was now tripled since Christopher and Jeanine also announced shortly after they were expecting a baby! And she couldn’t believe I was going to have a girl. 

Well, after that, we couldn’t keep Nanny away even if we wanted to. She came to visit Claudia soon after she was on born March 18, 2010 in Chicago. Nanny then helped us get settled in St Louis and was a frequent visitor – spending time at the Magic House, the St Louis Zoo, and we enjoyed visits to the East Coast and visiting the Eric Carle Museum and Old Sturbridge Village where Rhys learned to “fish” and Claudia took her first boat ride on the Connecticut River.

The only thing that could keep Nanny from us was the cancer. But we know her love and light will continue to shine on us and our love for each other and our friends will keep us strong in the days and weeks ahead.

Thank you for being here today with us.

Grandpa Time

Spring in St Louis is a lovely affair! Zhou Zhou visited this past weekend and we made it out to MoBOT...and despite lots of complaining about walking - we had a great time with the kids.

We also went to the Wash U Carnival, had adult dinner out in the CWE and watched Masterpiece Theatre.

Lots of love for my dear dad from both children but especially Rhys this visit.

We love you Zhou Zhou! Visit us soon. xoxo

Spring Clean Up

Two years ago my mom helped me with some planting -- a few of those plants survived my lack of watering and care.

This year, we are determined to do better.

Here's a start, thanks to Contained Beauty (our friend and neighbor's company) that helped us with the landscaping decisions.

In the Midst of Sadness

...there is joy, remembrance and love.

The love of a mother for her children - and a child's love of their mother.

The love of friends who reach out across the miles.

And the love of husbands and children and the traditions of life that must continue.

My mother

On Friday - Good Friday in fact - my mother, Kathryn, passed away from cancer in Boston. It's been a very emotional six weeks ever since I received the call that my mom's treatment options had ended and it was now time to consider end-of-life care.

My brother and I quickly regrouped and took turns visiting and bringing our families out to see my mother and to support Ed.

For me, that time spent in service to my mother - helping her, being with her, holding her, making her lunch, reading to her, watching Downton Abbey, crying, folding clothes, sorting - was so necessary, devastating, and cathartic. Asking for forgiveness for not being the best daughter - and receiving it...how lucky am I to have that opportunity?

As I write now, I wonder how can I live without a mom...and more importantly, my mom?

My mom who was the smartest woman I knew - who taught me to love books and learning. Who would coach me through my cooking attempts and be willing to come to wherever to help me move, paint, and put together IKEA furniture.

Who else will put up a playset in their backyard for grandchildren who live far away....buy children's tables and chairs, cups and dishes, toys, pack n plays, car seats and strollers to make her house welcoming to little ones. And who else will listen to story after story after story about the children?

I don't know the answer to that yet ... but I do know her examples of love and kindness will continue. And I will be the better wife, daughter, friend, sister, cousin, mother....because of her - and through this life-changing experience of losing my mother.